Armchair Junk Science: The Rock Of Castle Rock

Over the last 150 years the Rock of Castle Rock has stood as the majestic symbol of the pioneering spirit of Cowlitz County. As it resides along the Cowlitz River, the Rock was used as a landmark for navigation by both the early settlers and indigenous population as they traveled North or South along the western edge of the Pacific Northwest. (Jackson 14-15)

For my Term Project for Geology 208, I took on the challenge to understand, not the recent history of the Rock, but rather the potentially exceptional geological history of this landmark and mascot of Castle Rock Washington.

The Rock of the City of Castle Rock

Located to the South of the City of Castle Rock at 46° 16’04.27”N 122°  54’25.31”W. The Rock sits along the eastern bank of the Cowlitz River. According to my GPS the elivation at the top of the Rock is 180+ feet.




Location of the Rock of Castle Rock (DNR)

The Rock also sits along side and almost attached to “Quaternary volcaniclastic rocks, tuffs, lahars, and pyroclastic rocks.” (DNR) Although the map shows the Quaternary volcaniclastic rocks, tuffs, lahars, and pyroclastic  rocks to the right and connected to the Rock. This deposit of igneous does not fully connect with the rock and is mostly a plateau along its length as it heads south and north.

view of the Rock and “Quaternary volcaniclastic rocks, tuffs, lahars, and pyroclastic rocks.” (DNR) (Google Earth)

On my field trip to the site I was unable to collect samples of the “Quaternary volcaniclastic rocks, tuffs, lahars, and pyroclastic rocks.” (DNR) Much of this area is covered in a thick layer of top soil and when investigating the area along the Cowlitz I found only dredge spoils from the 1980 eruption of Mt. St. Helens.




Now for the composition of the Rock itself. When investigating the surface geology of the area I used the Washington State DNR’s Interactive Geological Map on the web site. It was the DNR Interactive Map that I used to obtain information on the quaternary volcaniclastic rocks that lie adjacent to the Rock. According to the interactive map the Rock is “Miocene-Oligocene Intrusive Igneous Rocks”. (DNR) This designation also includes a strip of the same Miocene-Oligocene Intrusive Igneous rock. This narrow ridge of similar rock to the Rock it self lies 2.5 miles south of the rock.

Yet the claim of the DNR that the Rock is an intrusive igneous structure was very surprising to me. Being that Castle Rock sits on top of Crescent/Siletz terranes, it was surprising to know that intrusive igneous structures could be found here. The DNR Interactive Map approximately dates the structure to 34 to 5 MA. That means the Rock was forming while this terrane was underwater through the time this entire area was finally buoyant enough to rise above the water. It makes sense that the ocean crust under Castle Rock would have gone through thrusting from the extra ocean crust and sediments being jammed beneath it from the newly sub-ducting Juan De Fuca Plate (Dawes) that could have created fissures and faults. (Roberts 38) Then there was also the Compression of the Juan De Fuca Plate sub-ducting underneath the Crescent and Siletz terrane that formed the Cascade mountains.  (Alt 172-173) Also the Rock would have formed in the ocean sediments that have now eroded away. How extraordinary the idea that there was enough ocean sediments here to keep rising magma from erupting at the surface.

Before I left to investigate the Rock I was expecting to find gabbro or perhaps a peridotite deposit at the location. Both best fit the the definition of an intrusive igneous for this area. Or at least that is the conclusion I had come to. Personally I was leaning to towards the idea of the Rock being made out of peridotite. This should be a reasonable expectation because “intrusive igneous rocks such as diorite, gabbro, granite and pegmatite that solidify below Earth’s surface.” (

“No Trespassing”

I first began my investigation of the site “Miocene-Oligocene Intrusive Igneous Rocks” (DNR) south of the Rock I was met with a Cowlitz County Utility “No Trespassing” sign.  Choosing to adopt ethical specimen collecting, I decided to heed the sign and not trespass for this project.



Exposed rock on the north side of the Rock.

It was then decided by me, myself, and I that specimen rock collecting should be relegated the the location chosen for the term project. The picture to the right is an exposed outcropping of rock on the flank of the Rock. As can be seen in the picture the outcrop is composed of small blocks of what appear to be igneous in origin. With careful prying I was able to collect a small sample.

West facing exposure of rock on the Rock


This exposure of rock on the Rock was my second collection site at the Rock in Castle Rock. Located on the western flanks of the Rock, this exposure has some larger blocks of rock. I was able to collect a specimen with some effort from this site.




Just 50 feet from the second collection site I was able to scramble onto the edge of this section of rock just left of center of this picture. This outcrop of rock is quite solid compared to the rest of the crumbling rock exposures on the Rock.


This solid outcrop is so stable this anchor point has been drilled into one side of this mass of rock. There was an attempt to collect a specimen from this site yet the rocks here proved to be so stable I was unable to remove a sample.

I attempted to scale the Rock to find more specimens to collect. On my way up I noticed that the Rock is covered with a thick layer of topsoil and what rock that was available at the surface to collect was most likely transported there to build up the trails on the Rock. Not wanting to disturb this historic monument of the proud peoples of the City of Castle Rock, I left the soil undisturbed.

The Rock-Sample “One”

Using newspaper as a scale reference I began taking pictures of the top rock (specimen #1) in this picture. This specimen measures 15 to 18 millimeters thick and is approximately 10 centimeters wide. My initial impressions about the rocks I was collecting  not exhibiting characteristics of intrusive igneous rocks was made very obvious when examining this sample.


The Rock-Sample “Two”

It was all to clear by the time I made an even closer examination of specimen two. Specimen two is a 5 x 10 mm chunk of basalt. There is nothing peridotiteor or granadiorite about either of the two specimens I collected. Rather both specimens are very black and are fine grained. Even with a jewlers loupe I was unable to distinguish the specimens I collected from the Rock from other examples of basalt from the local area.


After determining my samples as basalt I contacted my sister in-law whom possesses a degree in geology. I asked her to examine my specimens independently. I made sure to not let her know what my conclusions were from my observations of the specimens. When my sister-in-law was able to examine the rock specimens from the Rock she took but a moment pause and said “It’s basalt. So what do you wanna know?” I explained to her my findings with the Washington DNR Interactive Maps. My sister-in-law then immediately asked to use my computer to search the USGS website for corroborating information. After taking over 30 minutes to search or more information she concluded she was unable to find any information about the Rock online and was amazed I found as much as I did. After doing my own research the USGS mostly had water data about the Cowlitz River in Castle Rock. Ever since the day I picked the Rock in Castle Rock as my field site I have been trying to access the USGS geologic map of Castle Rock with little success. This has made my search for corroborating information from a reputable scientific organization far more difficult.

Washington State DNR

Undaunted by the lack of information, I turned to the source of my apparent bogus information about the Rock being intrusive igneous. I first fired off an email to the Washington State DNR to get some clarification on the classification of the Rock. I did not receive any response. I then found a general information e-mail address and received a response stating that my email had been forwarded the Geology & Earth Resources Division. As of the writing of this term project I have yet to receive a response to my e-mail.


The Rock-Sample (two) & Delameter Creek-Granite Sample

This image contains the number two sample from the Rock and a specimen of  granite from the Delameter Creek in Castle Rock. The Delameter Creek granite sample is what I would have expected to find when collecting samples from the Rock or perhaps peridotite would have been a better and more reasonable find at the Rock

Location map of Castle Rock & Delameter Creek samples.

Delameter Creek bi-valve fossils in sand stone

The map above depicts the location of the samples from both the Rock and Delameter Creek locations. Its a personal curiosity why someone is able to find granite in a creek that cuts through “Quaternary alluvium, dune sand, loess, and artificial fill” (DNR) and not apart of a rocky outcrop that is supposedly intrusive igneous. The picture of the fossils that were collected from Delameter Creek.


The Hypothesis Based On My Findings.

 The samples I have collected are just simply not what I have learned to be the mineral types expected from intrusive igneous rocks. Given the information I have found about the the Rock being a plutonic structure and my finding when analyzing the samples collected,   I have generated a hypothesis.


Approximately 25 to 20 Ma the Juan de Fuca Plate began to sink into the earth and apply pressure against the the oceanic slab of the Crescent/Siletz terranes. This compressive force began to slightly deform the crust of the Crescent and Siletz terrane. At this point of Washington’s geologic history the Juan de Fuca plate had not reached far enough beneath Crescent terrane to infuse any rising magma with large amounts of dissolved gasses. The oceanic slab that western Washington now site’s on was still very moist in spots and this lowered the slabs melting point on those areas. The slab beneath Castle Rock started to melt. In combination of compressive forces of subduction and melting of the slab under Castle Rock the magma slowly made its way through the Crescent oceanic slab. As the magma came in contact with the ocean sediments above the slab the magma began to cool rapidly. This fast cooling close to the surface would be considered a hypabyssal igneous intrusion. Being that the intrusion was close to the surface, in moist ocean sediments, and being a small volume of intrusive magma; the cooling of the magma was rapid in terms of intrusive magmatic events. Such rapid cooling would prevent course crystallization of minerals found in a typical intrusive igneous structures. The Rock was exposed over time from erosion caused by the Cowlitz River as it cut out the valley it now flows through revealing a plutonic structure. Given the crumbling condition of much of the exposed rock, it is possible as much as 1/3rd or more of the original plutonic structure has been eroded away.


Works Cited

Alt, David D., and Donald W. Hyndman. Northwest Exposures: A Geologic Story of the Northwest. Missoula, MT: Mountain Pub., 1995. Print.

Alt, David D., and Donald W. Hyndman. Roadside Geology of Washington. Missoula, MT: Mountain, 1995. Print.

Dawes, Ralph L., and Cheryl D. Dawes. “PNW Geology Home.” PNW Geology Home. N.p., 28 Sept. 2001. Web. 25 Nov. 2012. <;.

“Department of Natural Resources.” Department of Natural Resources. N.p., n.d. Web. 25 Nov. 2012. <;.

Dixon, Dougal. The Practical Geologist. New York: Simon and Schuster, 1992. Print.

“Earth Photos, Planets, Maps –” Earthcom RSS. N.p., n.d. Web. 25 Nov. 2012. <;.

Hudson, Travis. Living with Earth: An Introduction to Environmental Geology. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson Prentice Hall, 2011. Print.

Jackson, Leland G. Early Castle Rock and North Cowlitz County, Washington. Castle Rock: Castle Rock Exhibit Hall Society, 1994. Print.

“News and Information About Geology and Earth Science.” News and Information for Geology & Earth Science. N.p., n.d. Web. 25 Nov. 2012. <;.

Roberts, Albert E. Geology and Coal Resources of the Toledo Castle Rock District Cowlitz and Lewis Counties, Washington. N.p.: U.S. Department of the Interior, 1958. Print.


Posted in Armchair Junk Science | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

How To Make Somone Sound Like An AssHole: The Eulogy

“This is not one of the funerals I’m looking forward to.” ~A Friend (2006)

WARNING! A Dead Asshole Contained Inside

I have been either fortunate or unfortunate to have gone to many funerals in my 34 years of habitation on this planet. There is one striking and familiar constant with them all. The people giving the eulogy make the formally living person sound like some asshole! In all, every eulogy I have been to sounds just like the last one.


Since (Insert beloved asshole here) passed on to the great expanses of a place far better than this shitty hellhole. We have all grieved heavily and are unable to figure out how to go on with out (Insert beloved asshole here). But we will try our best to continue on without him/her the best we can. Because our entire existence had to revolve around (Insert beloved asshole here). Yes, we must carry on and live like sick wretches without (Insert beloved asshole here) to guide us through

There should be a self-help book called Be a Better Person: Die. I know of at least three people who have died that had little resemblance to the mythical champion and hero the eulogist portrayed. I have witnessed people who were cheated, screwed over, and left in ruin by the departed make extraordinary claims about the dead asshole’s integrity in their eulogy.

For me I want to be remembered like a true asshole. So based on the funerals I have attended, I feel I need to break the mold of the typical funeral. I want my eulogist to let everyone know all the terrible things about me and for good measure make up most of those terrible things. Ex. “David was a buggering asshole who had a fetish for hunchbacked midgets and Otterpops.”

How better to be remembered then to have a funeral that is more like a comedy roast than a commiseration seminar/meeting. For years people would talk about my funeral and how it departed from other funerals they have been to. So be remembered and really insist on a tasteless eulogy.

Posted in Humor, Life, Thoughts | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Racist Article by Eleanor Roosevelt

On May 20, 1954 Eleanor Roosevelt wrote an article addressing the U.S. Supreme Courts landmark ruling on Brown vs. Board of Eductaion. In a misguided attempt to reach out to the formerly segregated black masses; Eleanor wrote an article strewn with what she called “jive speak“. As you can guess, editors refused to publish such insensitive dialog and convinced Eleanor to reword her article before publication. You can find the published article HERE.

For you, I have obtained this rare and incredible original article written by one of the most influential women in American history. I hope you will not see Mrs. Roosevelt as insensitive or a racist. Rather, I would have you look upon me as being bored with too much time on my hands.

NEW YORK, MAY 20, 1954 –

I wuz chillaxin’ on da “Tex an’ Jinx Show” I wuz given da news o’ da unanimous Supreme Court decision dat blasted segregation in da skools. I be bangin’ dis here wuz uh unanimous decision cuz I th’o’t it will be a bee-atch fo’ da states wiff segregated skoo systems ta hold out against such uh ruling. So dis be a big dilly!

If it wuz not fo’ da fact dat segregation in itself be a bitch slap, da old rule o’ giving equal facilities might gots gone on satisfying our sense o’ justice fo’ uh long tyme. It iz very difficult, however, ta ensure real equality under uh segregated system, an’ da mere fact dat ya cannot move freely anywhere in yo’ country an’ be as acceptable everywhere as yo’ neighbor creates an inequality. Peep dat shit!

Cletus always bring up da queshun o’ marriage between da races, an’ I realize dat that iz da queshun o’ real concern ta peeps. It just be ol’ about haten da jungle feeva’. But it seems ta me uh very personal queshun which mus’ be settled by peeps in da hood an’ by da development o’ da cultural an’ social patterns within uh country. Whitey can nahh longer lay down rules as ta what individuals will do in any area o’ they lives in uh world dat iz changing as fast as ours iz changing taday fo’ shizzle. It be blunt time-pull out your philly…

Posted in Humor, Satire | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

The Schwarzenegger Amendmendment

No matter what your political bent might be, amending the Constitution to allow Arnold Schwarzenegger to become president would simply kick ass. He is this big intimidating cartoon like guy that also says the most screwed up and absurd cartoon things. Here are some examples from his term as “Governator” of California.


“To those critics who are so pessimistic about our economy, I say, Don’t be economic girlie men!” ~Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger


“She’s either Puerto Rican, or the same thing as Cuban, I mean they are all very hot. They have the, you know, part of the black blood in them and part of the Latino blood in them that together makes it.” ~Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger

Just imagine during high level security meetings with foreign dignitaries and Arnold leans over to Sweden’s Crown Princess Victoria and says “I can look at a chick who’s a little out of shape and if she turns me on, I won’t hesitate to date her. If she’s a good f**k she can weigh 150 pounds, I don’t care.” <—(Another actual quote.) Would that not be SNL GOLD?

You remember the days of stupid quotes from Bush Jr.? I miss that kind of inane b.s. coming out of our most powerful leader. Here are some examples of what to expect from President Schwarzenegger.

“I think that gay marriage should be between a man and a woman.” ~Arnold Schwarzenegger

“Having a pump is like having sex. I train two, sometimes three times a day. Each time I get a pump. It’s great. I feel like I’m coming all day.” ~Arnold Schwarzenegger

“My relationship to power and authority is that I’m all for it. People need somebody to watch over them. Ninety-five percent of the people in the world need to be told what to do and how to behave.” ~Arnold Schwarzenegger

Arnold would be an endless source of the best inane b.s. a nation might want or need. I bet our old buddy President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad would think twice about refining even just another milligram of weapons grade uranium with a president in the White House saying things like:

“I like the color red because it’s a fire. And I see myself as always being on fire.” ~Arnold Schwarzenegger

In conclusion, I hope I have made my case for a President Schwarzenegger. So lets continue to be the self-destructive country that we are and amend our Constitution!

Posted in Humor, Satire, Thoughts, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Validation For Sale. Pay Up Sucker!

Thank you for coming, but we are all out of free validation.

I recently had someone enlighten me to a fascinating and possibility lucrative side business. This person told me they felt I simply and only served as validation for some of the people I know? According to this person, I serve as an emotional fill station where certain people come to fill up , then only come back when they are running on empty.


“Hi David! So what have you been up to?…………… Okay stop! That’s all very interesting stuff, but I’m bored now. Let me tell you how great I am… Blah… Blah… Blah… Now let me trump your personal accomplishments with a list of things that I feel make me better than you. Blah… Blah… Blah… Okay, tell me how happy you are for me. And please be specific with your positive comments. I need you to acknowledge every self glorifying point I just made. Okay stop! I feel better about myself now. Unlike when I first started to talk to you when I was pretending I was happy. Bye!”

So this gave me an idea. Conversations like this can feel like work. Why should I not try to make a few extra bucks for my personal time? Its kind of like prostitution. Prostitution offers validation to the lonely soul. I can emotionally prostitute myself. Being an emotional hooker I won’t get a VD, murdered by a Jon, have my face slashed by my pimp, and it’s legal! Also now is a great time to start.

With the economy heading for another recession. Its been proven people will be looking for “pick me ups” and entertainment that provide them with an escape. Just look at the sales of DVD’s, video game systems, chocolate, and alcohol during economic downturns. With people looking for feelgood and rewarding escapes from the horrific reality of their lives; why not ask for payment for something people want from me (moral arguments aside) for free? Would you ask your accountant to do your taxes for free? Well, you might be capable of asking that because we both know your an asshole.

My Dilemma is finding out the level of satisfaction people currently receive from me validating them. This needs to be known so I can attach an reasonable fee scale for my services. I could hand out a survey asking people to evaluate my validating ability after “experiencing” me. The survey should incorporate a zero to ten sliding scale. Zero representing “Go to hell! If you speak to me again or I will kill you and/or myself, my family, and my entire neighborhood!” A rating of Ten would mean “You are the love of my life please marry me and have my children and my friends children and I believe the soap scum in your bathtub cures cancer!” I believe those are reasonable delineations for my scale. Right? I will try it out and post an update with the results. Or I can just continue not charging people for this service. People have gotta’ like ya’ for something right?

You might find this post in bad taste. But what would you expect from a blog with the name The Art of Hubris? Here is a link to starting your own blog named The Art of Good Taste. Or you can repudiate this post with an angry comment. I’m happy with either.

Posted in Humor, Life, Satire, Thoughts | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

What David Wants for X-Mas

“You deserve exactly what you allow yourself to have.” ~Me

Therefor I deserve:

The Parliamentary Democracy and Commonwealth of Tuvalu

You might be considering the question of how someone could possibly give an independent and autonomously governed collective of people away as a gift to someone so deserving as myself? Well I have written a mission guide to help you obtain my X-Mas present.

First you need to get there, so go here —-> Latitude of Tuvalu: 8º00´South of the Equator, Longitude of Tuvalu: 178º00´West of Greenwich. Got that? Now put that into your GPS and get your sad ass driving. You have over two-thousand miles of road trip ahead of you and only a month left to acquire my X-Mas present. Remember to pack a seat donut for the Grade IV hemorrhoid you will develop sitting that long. I do appreciate your sacrifice. I Love You!

Mission Guide

Unless you consider your neighborhood block-watch a formidable military fighting machine; the local block watch would be a fine analogy to describe the Tuvalu military/police force. They live on a tropical island and harvest coconuts for a living. I think you can overcome a couple of coconut farms with machetes. If you don’t want to get your hands dirty, you could use psychological warfare on the Tuvalu’s. Scientists have proven playing Nickelback songs (or whatever it is) to anyone, will drive them batshit crazy. The movie The Happening was based on an actual Nickelback mass hysteria incident. But using Nickelback would be considered inhuman cruelty. Also you might be brought up on charges of terrorism and threats to civil aviation by the International Court System.

Tuvalu's Flag Ship, The Good Ship Coconut

The picture to the right would be the proud, Tuvalu Imperial Royal Navy Fleet Squadron Force and Protector of  Her Majesties Purity & Coconut  Bra Collection Esquire! Or the not so short, T.I.R.N.F.S.F.P.H.M.P.C.B.C.E. They would put that on the side of their flagship, but the flagship isn’t long enough, nor do they have enough sticky letters to spell it out.

Now don’t start with me on the old:

“You expect me to take on a crappy yellow ply-wood boat manned by Tuvalu’s prime minister Toafa and his ‘shovel headed halfwit’ of a brother-in-law Taukelina, who when he talks has this annoying clicking sound in the back of his throat and smells of rancid orange peels and Mentholatum™ ointment and keeps walking up to dignitaries and asking them to ‘taste this!’ while pointing his index finger in their face? And all that I am armed with is this GPS with direction to the middle of the western edges of the Pacific Ocean, six TicTac’s, and this itchy,  swollen  hemorrhoid from sitting on this seat donut for weeks!”

Geez! It’s not like I am asking you to sink the U.S.S. Ronald Reagan Strike Group. Coward!

U.S.S Ronald Reagan Strike Group

If you have made it this far by taking out the Tuvalu Army and  the T.I.R.N.F.- S.F.P.H.M.P.C.B.C.E. Navy. The last and most difficult part of your X-Mas present mission will require you to Americanize the Tuvalu. To do this, force feed them our American culture. Examples: American politics, gossip mags, supersized fried anything, apathy, Justin Bieber, Snuggies, Oxi-Clean, Riddilin, private technical schools, high fructose corn syrup, boob jobs for 16yr, Bisphenol A, student loans, reality T.V., credit cards, poor education standards, portray dysfunctional families as entertainment on daytime television, emphasize self centered individualism, promote a false belief in “True Love”,  dress their kids in Juicy Couture, and convince them to buy anything that promises happiness. If all that doesn’t work, I have another, even longer list for you to try on them.

After the Tuvalu people figure out the Zoloft doesn’t really work all that well to dull the pain of their now small and limited existence. I will be dropped in by parachute with great fanfare and promote myself as the Tuvalu’s savior. Finally I will turn them into a religious cult and get them to believe only I, their despotic ruler knows when the end of the world will come. And you know how the rest goes.



Posted in Humor, Satire | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Obsessed With Being Dignified

I consider myself rather non obsessive. But there are notable exceptions. One such exception would be my obsession with being dignified. As if I was attempting to resemble any good 19th century gentleman, I will take poor attitudes, personal insults, and bad news with dignified austerity.


Your dog died!My reply in a calm, dignified voice; “You have brought to me greatly distressing news. I cannot help but be saddened by this solemn event. Show me to the remains of this poor retched animal so that I may go about it’s disposal.

I’m leaving you David! I have met another man. He is better that you in every conceivable way. He is so far superior to you that I cannot help but hate you in comparison.My reply in a calm voice; “This is quite unfortunate that this has happened to me. I guess I should give you both my best and carry on with myself. Well, I suppose I should leave then. Goodbye my once beloved one.

So am I weak, timid, or a sorry excuse for a man?

There are things I have little to no control over; so why not be dignified about it? But I don’t want to give the impression I would take anything from any body. If you give me a harsh enough slight, I would be inclined to declare you a hopeless reprobate. Then I would either verbally assault the person in a way that would crush their sense of self or challenge them to a duel in an open field with dueling pistols. Unfortunately the latter is frowned upon by modern society. :..-(

What does this say about me?

I have no idea. I can’t tell you if it’s a good quality or a bad quality for someone to have. All I can say is it’s not working all that great. I have observed people act incredibly undignified and still get mostly everything they want. This is rather confusing and a bit more than irritating to my sensibilities. Perhaps I am just a hopeless romantic about gentlemanly personal conduct in a 21st century society.

Do I get a bigger piece of the proverbial pie for this attitude?

Nope! I guess I will need to cry like a spoiled petulant child and climb up peoples asses until they give me what I want. But I don’t think I can stoop to such a low point in character. It has been my realization I need to live with myself and I can’t do that if I can’t stand myself. So I will carry on with my personal statuesque. 🙂

Posted in Humor, Life, Phylosophy, Thoughts, Uncategorized, | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment