A random task list from one of my random days.
Most people have a list of things they need to do in a day. Some to do lists have things like do the laundry or buy some milk. Others have lists of things they can do to build character and be better people. Such as open a door for someone or help an old lady cross a street.
For me I have a slightly different list I follow. Enjoy the mind of David… 😉
- Pick a side, start a war.
- Resurrect a dead religion and claim nonprofit status.
- Have law enforcement help me with my street-cred.
- Incite a book-burning of ‘Everyone Poops’.
- Stop referring to other people as “talking monkeys.”
- Get phat.
- Let other people talk for three seconds then scream at them “YOU ARE SO F-ING BORING!” Then calmly stare at them.
- Deny everything.
- Make the claim that IBS is evidence of human/extraterrestrial ancestry.
- Earn a doctorate in medical science and get a paper published claiming that eating monkey brains will make you thinner, happier, and younger.
- On September 11, every time someone makes any kind of joke, tell them “it’s to soon.”
- Campaign for Micheal J. Fox to become president only if he promises to assume the character of Teen Wolf after he is elected.
- Be the three millionth person to shoot a You Tube video of a friend getting hit in the nuts.
- Pay one dollar for an item with an actual paper check, then take my time paying the remaining $8.99 with pennies.
- Tell people my butt-holes name is Toothless and he has free speech rights just like the rest of us. Then let go of the fart I was holding in for the past hour.
- Protest water pollution by standing in a public square, dowsing myself in polluted water, and failing to set myself on fire.
- When asked as a witness in court to use my own words. I use my own words. “Blamboo roomdra grifflacker nicurmber.”
- Then go to jail for contempt of court. 😦
There you have it. Please don’t cross the street when you see me.