Author Archives: David Schaafsma

About David Schaafsma

"But I don't want to go among mad people," said Alice. "Oh, you can't help that," said the cat. "We're all mad here." ~Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Armchair Junk Science: The Rock Of Castle Rock

Over the last 150 years the Rock of Castle Rock has stood as the majestic symbol of the pioneering spirit of Cowlitz County. As it resides along the Cowlitz River, the Rock was used as a landmark for navigation by … Continue reading

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How To Make Somone Sound Like An AssHole: The Eulogy

There should be a self-help book called “Be a Better Person: Die.” I want my eulogist to let everyone know all the terrible things about me and for good measure make up most of those terrible things. Ex. “David was a buggering asshole who had a fetish for hunchbacked midgets and Otterpops.” Continue reading

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Racist Article by Eleanor Roosevelt

My blog ‘The Art of Hubris’ has just uncovered an incredible article written by the venerable Eleanor Roosevelt. Continue reading

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The Schwarzenegger Amendmendment

Just imagine during high level security meetings with foreign dignitaries, Arnold leans over and says
“The best activities for your health are pumping and humping.” or “I have inhaled, exhaled everything.” -(Actual Arnold Quotes!) Continue reading

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Validation For Sale. Pay Up Sucker!

Why should I not try to make a few extra bucks for my personal time? Its kind of like prostitution. Prostitution offers validation to the lonely soul. I can emotionally prostitute myself. Being an emotional hooker I won’t get a VD, murdered by a Jon, have my face slashed by my pimp, and it’s legal!
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What David Wants for X-Mas

I have written a mission guide to help you obtain my X-Mas present. 🙂 Continue reading

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Obsessed With Being Dignified

I consider myself rather non obsessive. But there are notable exceptions. One such exception would be my obsession with being dignified. As if I was attempting to resemble any good 19th century gentleman, I will take poor attitudes, personal insults, … Continue reading

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