Category Archives: Thoughts

How To Make Somone Sound Like An AssHole: The Eulogy

There should be a self-help book called “Be a Better Person: Die.” I want my eulogist to let everyone know all the terrible things about me and for good measure make up most of those terrible things. Ex. “David was a buggering asshole who had a fetish for hunchbacked midgets and Otterpops.” Continue reading

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The Schwarzenegger Amendmendment

Just imagine during high level security meetings with foreign dignitaries, Arnold leans over and says
“The best activities for your health are pumping and humping.” or “I have inhaled, exhaled everything.” -(Actual Arnold Quotes!) Continue reading

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Validation For Sale. Pay Up Sucker!

Why should I not try to make a few extra bucks for my personal time? Its kind of like prostitution. Prostitution offers validation to the lonely soul. I can emotionally prostitute myself. Being an emotional hooker I won’t get a VD, murdered by a Jon, have my face slashed by my pimp, and it’s legal!
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Obsessed With Being Dignified

I consider myself rather non obsessive. But there are notable exceptions. One such exception would be my obsession with being dignified. As if I was attempting to resemble any good 19th century gentleman, I will take poor attitudes, personal insults, … Continue reading

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My Checklist

A random task list from one of my random days. Most people have a list of things they need to do in a day. Some to do lists have things like do the laundry or buy some milk. Others have … Continue reading

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